The missing piece: An apology of sorts

I'm going to attempt to write this post without crying. You also get a two for one :)

Today's prompt - what do you miss? (someone, something, a place in time etc.)

The someone is this handsome man. My Great Grandfather (That is me he's holding).

Oh how I wish I had had the time to get to know him better. All my adolescent life I've been plagued by the feeling that I just don't belong. In this body, this city, this situation. Personality wise I wasn't like any of my close family {you notice the 'was' in that sentence. I have now officially turned into my Mother.}
Then I started asking more and more about my Great Grandfather, and the more I heard the more I started to realise and understand that I am him. Not literally obviously, but all my passion, ambition and fire I get from him. 

So, my 4 absolute loves in life are:

  • Education.
  • History.
  • Travel.
  • Being an ambassador for the underdog.
Not only did he attempt to get his Jewish lecturer friend and his family out of Nazi Germany at the start of WWII, he also set up the historical society in Bakewell, was one of the first founders of the WEA (Workers Education Association). He also travelled the world lecturing, was a keen hiker/climber, and wrote some amazing poetry.

I had 7 blissful years with him, and I am so thankful for them. Even though he was completely blind by this point in his life, he still let me drag him around. He lived to be 102, and I only hope I can last that long.

To say I am proud of this man is a complete understatement  and I smile when I think of all the things I would have asked him if he was still here.

Now for day thirteen's apology.

To make this funny or serious has been my one major dilemma when writing these posts.

I could apologise for...

Not being a consistent blogger.
Not being the most social of people when friends ask me to go out.
Taking a month to reply to that e-mail when all you needed was a one word answer.
Taking a pizza out of the freezer because I'm too tired lazy to cook dinner.
Spending more time daydreaming than actually getting on with tasks.

What I am going to apologise for is lying. Don't all gasp in shock, this is a confession.

I used to lie. To be honest I would be lying if I said I didn't now, but I try not too.
It is something I have a personal battle with every single day. I find it so hard to be the best person I can be, does that sounds silly? There seems to be something built into me that tries to turn me off the right path.

I used to tell big lies. Lies that I thought made me look better, made people proud of me. I don't do that anymore. All it ever did was get me into trouble, and I've had enough of that to last me a lifetime.

I'm apologising to my family. We may all be in a pretty messed up situation right now, and I am deeply sorry if my past actions have caused any of it. 
I am moving forward to my own tune, with God my my side, and the love of good companions.

I don't need to create a false life, the one I have is pretty darn amazing.

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champ king said...

We all lie. All we can do is try to reduce it to the barest minimum or stop it completely(hard). Great post though.

Sara Strauss said...

This is a lovely post, Helen! Your great-grandfather seemed like a remarkable man and I wish you'd gotten more time with him.

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