We're friends here, so I'm just going to take them time to be very honest and open in that space.
I laugh when I hear beautiful women say that line; 'because you're worth it'. It kind of makes me cringe, and ask myself thousands of questions. The main one always being; what if I don't think I'm worth it?
This is the thing I struggle with every single day. I don't wake up and go to bed thinking it, but there will always be a point in my day when I think 'there is no point doing that Helen, you're not worth'.
I know most of you are probably sitting there horrified seeing me write this, but it's just a fact I've come to live with.
From reading this blog you may have pictured me as:
Someone comfortable in their own skin
Someone happy with themselves
Someone who has themselves sorted
Someone who knows where they are going
You would be wrong.
Some days I think I'm over feeling like this. Some days I feel so consumed by it. Other days I feel like its all just a big excuse for the mistakes I've made.
I am trying. Trying to not feel like this. Trying to make a better life, better self, better situation.
I need to stop blaming myself. I've made mistakes, huge ones, but I've also come back from those, and they do not define me. They have not made all the other bad things happen. I am not to blame.
I wish I could believe this right now, but for the moment I think I'm just going to continue on this carousel.
NB: It is one of 'those' days.