I don't share this much on here. Sometimes I don't write for a year and other times I can't stop the pencil moving across the paper. Currently I'm in the not having written for a year stage.
A couple of nights ago I was clearing out my documents on my computer and I came across a folder entitled 'writings'. After opening it I spent the next few hours reading through countless words. Words written by me, by friends, by collaborations. All the words meant something to me at the moment they hit the page, and reading them several years later takes me straight back to those feelings.
Some of my best writing is unplanned. No plot needed.
Many of you know that I have spent the last couple of years struggling with debt.
I don't know what prompted me to write what I am going to share with you, and frankly some of my values have changed. I still recognise the girl who wrote this though, that fragile, sensitive, lost soul.
'I'm stood in my favourite store, and I know the answer is probably not; but before that little gem has popped into my brain I am carrying my new purchase, gorgeously wrapped in a Louboutin bag to an awaiting taxi.
The reality kicks in,
“Your card has been declined.”
This one phrase always seems to pop the sex in the city style bubble doesn't it?
Even in an economic crisis fashion, and woman’s desire for it will always thrive, and shoes are my poison.
Holding a new shoe is like eating that second cream cake; you know you shouldn't have it but it feels damn good!
I know you shouldn't be, but I am, I'm materialistic. I try not to be I really do, but for me a pair of 6-inch beauties can replace not having a sparkling wit, or not smiling at strangers in the street. Finding the right pair of shoes is like finding the right man. They have to fit; too small and they are going to hurt you, too big and your going to fall flat on your face. We are all striving for THAT pair of shoes, the perfect fit. When we put them on it feels like a cloud has cushioned our feet. When we wear them out everyone compliments us on our style. A man should be the same; he should fit into our lifestyle, make us feel comfortable and most importantly make all our friends insanely jealous.
Through many years of materialistic living and fashion related spending though I have ended up in debt, not bad debt, but still debt. Therefore I have decided to ditch my former mentality and see if I can survive without it for a week.
I am not allowed to buy anything fashion related, or in fact anything that is going to enhance the materialistic part of my life. I can only spend money on things that are going to make me a better person, and that does not include those shoes.
Wish me luck…
My journey of self-discovery has started well, and today has gone without a selfish buying hitch. I feel invigorated and since I have some spare cash, I have booked a get away with my best friend; girly times beat shoes any day! I'm going shopping with my Mum tomorrow, to the continental market no less, I can resist temptation, I can.
So the weekend was hellish. Don’t get my wrong I loved spending time with my Mum, but its like a little voice was inside my purse and calling me. I swear at one point it even opened itself, my Mum and the rest of the ‘sane’ public probably thought I’d gone mad when I told the piece of vibrant blue leather in my hand to be quiet. Then I had a ‘Confessions of a Shopaholic’ moment or C.S.M, now those who know me well swear this film is based on me and for those of you who don’t know me well, it is. A C.S.M moment is when whatever it is in the shop that you desperately want but can’t have starts talking to you, and it happened to me. It wasn't a Hermes scarf or an Italian handbag that called me though, no, it was a bottle of navy nail polish. Measly, but all essential nail polish. Well I caved, I mean come on I had to have it right, I needed it, it was essential, I'm between manicures…plus I had one of those £5 off voucher things, I saved that much, oh it’s a start. Bring on the week and this time research!