I've been wandering a lot lately.
Wandering about me, the future, family, friends, this blog.
It all seems a little lost. Just wondering but never finding a place to end, to settle, to call home.
I get like this sometimes. I like to call it the 'there must be more than this' phase.
It usually doesn't happen very often but lately I've been haunted by it.
I read all your gorgeous blogs and I hate to feel this way, but I get jealous. Jealous of the time, love and joy that seems to be endless in all your lives. I'm not naive and I know it isn't always that way, but right now its all I see.
I spend my days sat at my computer applying for jobs. I don't see friends because they live all over the country and I don't have the money to travel to see them. I don't go out. I'm in the house everyday nearly all day. Its not like I can even afford to go for a coffee.
I keep asking myself, why don't you write a blog post? Why haven't you written one for days? The honest answer would be I feel like I've lost myself from here and its lost me. I feel like I have nothing to post. Nothing anyone would want to read. I could post recipes and crafts all the time, but that's just not me. Yes I love cooking and crafting but I'm not (nor do I ever want to be_ that domestic goddess who first set up Eat.Enjoy.Live.
I'm Helen. Shy, insecure, opinionated, geeky, a loner, and a lover of Jesus. I'm me, and just starting to come to terms with it.
This post really wasn't supposed to be such a downer because I am so blessed in other ways.
I have you. I know its soppy and cliché, but I know all of you who are reading this care.
I've taken the opportunity to travel and consequently I have 'family' in Italy that would do anything for me.
I've passed courses I've been taking for a while with flying colours.
There is something exciting on the horizon and I can't wait to tell you when it is all confirmed (fingers crossed), but for now I'm just wandering.