I grabbed lunch in town whilst waiting for Mum to finish work. My trusty sidekick came too.
All was perfectly happy and well, until I whipped my pen out of my bag and started doing this.
That scrawl is writing, on a napkin no less; this girl is resourceful!
So maybe to you this doesn't seem strange, I write a blog everyday after all, but writing hasn't happened for a while for me.
I used to write all the time. Novels, and plays mostly, but I would try my hand at anything. I didn't set out to be a best selling author, I set out to do something for me.
It takes a lot to inspire me, but coffee shops and books seem to be the magic potion (it helped that this particular coffee shop was in a book store) #bestideaever!
I just wrote. I felt free for those few seconds I was scribbling ideas down on a
I studied Drama at Uni and wrote/directed a play for one of my final projects.
I'm just going to delve into the pit of self adulation here (it was an awesome play!) and share one of the monologues with you.
I'm not going to explain what the play is about, just take what you will from it.
"30 minutes, 1,800 seconds, 1,800,000, milliseconds, to morph into someone I was never supposed to be. I was always told the secret to being an actor, was to pretend you are looking through binoculars into someone else’s life, how distant that life may be however was never made apparent to me. I spend my whole career surrounded by people who are apparently my friends, even on stage there is no escape; characters have friends too. It is only now that I can be truly alone. This room may seem bare to some, a prison even, but lucky charms, good luck cards, and even flowers keep my spirits up. In a strange way I enjoy the solace this profession brings, switching off my radio and phone, are the first things I do when I arrive in the space. It takes more time to switch my mind off though, it’s like removing my brain and putting an alien one in, that never seems that alien.
It is a little known fact that Lewis Carroll had the potential to be an incredible mathematician. To think that that man that we all love as a writer, could have pursued a career in something that a lot of people hate. I like maths; it calms me. Maths is like the systematic representation of society, piecing itself together, people being numbers. I suppose you could call this theatre ‘average’…well it’s of an average size anyway. I know for a fact that it holds 890 audience members and there are 3 of us on stage, so that makes…. 890 divided by 3.…. 296.66 eyes on me at any one time. I imagine acting is like writing, you can say or write 100 words a minute, but 1000 thoughts a second can come into an author or audience’s mind, how do you, as an actor, show those thoughts, those emotions, those feelings…it’s impossible.
Theatre is a ritual. It allows us to be lost from our feelings and ourselves. I never truly feel that I can tell someone I am myself, I am constantly changing, constantly multiplying, but I feel that if I don’t perform I cannot say that I am EVER truly whole. (Glances down at watch and slowly takes it off and places it down; as if breaking from some chains.) 13 minutes left to stay within the existence of myself. The stage isn't confined by time, the theatre yes, but never the stage. All time, all senses, all emotions stop just before the metamorphosis takes place…and then everything moves once again, ever so slowly at first as if it’s hardly moving at all. Then the speed kicks in, like being punched in the stomach, winded…. all you can see or hear in front of you is a mass of silence and nothingness but you desire for it’s acceptance. Then it stops so abruptly you have to keep convincing yourself that it ever actually happened at all, and you’re ’yourself’ once again. I feel most alone when in front of an audience, after all I am not myself therefore I am alone, always alone, always striving for something that’s never there. (Glances down at watch once more.) It’s not just the theatre that has rituals, as individuals we all have them. Mine is to remove myself completely, like a rubber removing the final etchings from a page. (Begins washing himself, feet first, then hands and finally his face.) I must remove every essence of myself."