I'm rubbish at these kind of posts. I'm just going to write, unashamed and honestly.
I'm not worried about what you'll think, I'm worried about opening my heart. You see it's been damaged and broken that many times that I keep it in a box, locked nice and tight.
I'm an emotional person and I cry at the smallest thing. I'll let you get close to me, until I feel you getting too close and then I'll shut off. I don't meant too, I'm just afraid.
I'm going through some stuff at the moment. I'm not going to go into details, I mean personal is personal, but I need some support and talking to you guys who I respect so much is like therapy.
I don't really talk about my faith, I guess I feel guilty. God was in my heart from a young age, Mum and I would go to church every Sunday and I loved it. I loved feeling like I wasn't alone in the world, even when it seemed like everyone else had turned their back.
Then I went to University and stupidly when trying to do what I thought was fitting in with the crowd, I lost him. I stopped going to church, I did things I shouldn't and now regret, and most importantly I stopped praying.
I realize now how dumb I was to do this, and now I need him.
God is all forgiving, and I know that if I just prayed and came back to him he would except me. For me it just doesn't feel as easy as that.
I've been back to church a few times, but always feel like a fraud.
I want to live a good Christian life, but in order to do so I need to change some things.
I am going to get to the point of this post.
I'd been struggling with the whole returning to God issue for a while before I started blogging. Then I began to read posts like Julie's Relentless Love and came to the conclusion that, I want what they've got. I want THAT feeling again. I need THAT feeling.
It was only when Laura from Our Reflection introduced me to the Christian band FORA that I had a revelation.
Now this post is going to turn into a bit of a plea for FORA and myself.
I can honestly say that FORA's music has healed me over the past couple of months. It's given me hope and lifted me up.
Here's the deal.
They just got a big record contract (super awesome), but they need funds. $1000 to be exact. The good news? They only have $404 to go in 6 days. We can soooo do this!
I'm asking, if you can to donate, even if it's only a dollar. That's all I could afford, what with no job an' all.
If you can't that's totally fine, but please spread the word.
You can pledge over at Kickstarter, show them a little love via Facebook and Twitter, or listen to their music.
I don't know these guys personally and I never will, being thousands of miles away, but they've helped me. There music has helped me and I know it can help someone else too.
I'm going to go back to church in 2 weeks, I'm kind of nervous, but I know it'll all be OK.